Blasted Time Vandal

It's about 4 in the morning and I can't sleep. Today I wasted another day away watching TV. I always think and say that it's because there's nothing else to do, but that's a lie. It's because there are a million things to do, but I, for whatever reason, don't do them. I should be reading a devotion and the Bible, cleaning the apartment (which, by the way, is currently a complete wreck), exercising, visiting family, anything really would be better than watching TV. All that the TV watching leads to is filling my mind with useless trash. Isn't that most of what TV is these days? I would like to take the high road and say that I can't stand to watch most of it, but the truth is, I love it. America's Next Top Model marathons on VH1? Bring it on. Lifetime movies? Excellent. Food Network? Even better (like I have ever cooked a single thing from it). I sit there and I soak up all of this garbage and then wonder why my life is trash. My music minister, Kevin, at Manley Baptist once referred to the TV as "the time vandal". At the time I laughed only because I thought it was lame...now I sit here and see how appropriate those words were. I'm wasting away my life watching TV.
Losing today to the time vandal made me realize what a horrible person I am. I sat there and thought about how bad people looked, or how annoying they were, etc. etc. Basically anything I could find to judge, I did. That's not acceptable human behavior, let alone Christian behavior. What makes the people on TV acceptable targets? Is it because they can't hear me, or because they can't see me to judge me back? Maybe it's because it's possible to dehumanize anyone on TV; I don't know them personally, therefore they aren't real or something. I don't know the answer, but it's awful.
This of course led me back to the everyday realization of how judgmental I am of people. I honestly think its because I have so much wrong in my life that it makes me feel somewhat better to see things wrong with other people. Wow, I just admitted that and it's awful. Of course maybe it's also because staring at other people's tiny flaws simply keeps me from having to notice my own HUGE flaws. When speaking of seeing a speck of sawdust in your brother's eye when you have a plank in you own. Jesus said "You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye." (Matt 7:5). There it is....I'm a hypocrite. If you asked me the one thing that I really can't stand, especially in churches and religion today I would say hypocrisy. I am a modern day Pharisee. YUCK. So from today forward I will pray for guidance and focus on removing the plank in my own eye. It's a daunting task.